What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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