May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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