They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
