Just took my morning after pill in the library
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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