smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
