so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
