She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
