I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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