I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
