If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
