My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
