some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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