you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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