I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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