Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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