My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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