I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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