We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
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He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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