it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
