fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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