For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
