i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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