Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
