ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
