I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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