You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
