All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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