i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
