You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
