i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
