He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
