I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
