Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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