I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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