About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
