He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
