I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
