I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
