So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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