She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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