I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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