So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
