I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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