Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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