dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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