my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
