i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
