Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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