dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think I sprained my soul last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
