and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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