The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
