oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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