Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
