No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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