i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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