she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize