Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
