i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
