let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
