I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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